Legal Theft: Fat Cat

I would have shut up, but he gave me the If you do that one more time I’m gonna murder you look and I adore dodging homicide. At least when it comes from irate cat paws.

“Such a fatty.” I scratched his tummy again. The cat’s eyes widened with fury. I moved my finger behind his ear and he didn’t look quite so enraged, at least until I attempted to squeeze one of his adorable little footpads. “Fatty fat fat.” I sung at the cat.His grey tail lashed the couch cushion with a definitive thump thump.

“His name’s Set, stop insulting him.”

I looked up at my brother-in-law, a backpack over his shoulder and a duffel in his hand. He was frowning like I’d told him he’d gained weight.

“He’s a kitty, he doesn’t know what I am saying.” I snuck another quick tummy scratch. Set let out a deeply disturbed growl.  “Don’t you fatty?”

“I can find someone else.” He warned, almost with the same affronted expression his cat was wearing.

“No you can not, your sister is enjoying her own holiday and your flight is in an hour.” I grinned up at him. Like Set, there wasn’t much he could do about me at this point.

“I can hire someone who won’t verbally abuse my cat.” He said pointedly as Set leaned back from my hand.

I snorted, he was certainly being as ridiculous as his cat “You need to get going, Fen is nervous enough combining you with security checkpoints. Me and Mr.Fatty will be great. He already loves me.”

In response Set took the opportunity to lock my offending extremity against his stomach in a kitty death trap, clawing deep into my fingers and kicking my wrist. I yelped and snatched my hand back . Set rocketed up and dashed past us into the kitchen, successfully escaping my affections for the time being.

“See, he likes me.” I said through gritted teeth, examining the deep strips of flesh welling across the back of my hand.

“Suddenly I am not so worried. You’re right, he’ll be fine”

I snorted again. “Go! Call me lots and post pictures.”

Once I’d successfully shooed him out and the front door clicked closed. I made my way into the kitchen. Set was on the window sill, now settled and watching me closely from the corner of his round green eyes.

Assuring the love of my nephew cat might take more finesse than I initially thought. I opened up the refrigerator. “Alright Fatty, time for lunch.”

I stole the first line of this piece from More than 1/2 Mad as part of the Legal Theft Project. 


3 responses to “Legal Theft: Fat Cat

  1. Pingback: December 5 2015 – I would have shut up, but he gave me the “If you do that one more time I’m gonna murder you” look and I adore dodging homicide. – Legal Theft Project

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